To Motherhood

I used to want breast implants. Superficial, I know. Somehow, I truly thought that they would make me more womanly.

For a large part of my adolescence, my skinny body annoyed me. I never felt ‘in’ her. I envied others’ curves, breasts, hair: you name it. A little bit of body discomfort is a teenage rite of passage, however this continued into my older teen years.

I fell pregnant at 19. Suddenly, my body became this wondrous mechanism, responsible for housing and cradling new human life. I started caring about the new life inside of me, and this sparked the movement of caring about and loving my own body.

When Sasha was born, I insisted on breastfeeding. I found it so difficult at the beginning, but was determined to utilise my body naturally. We got the hang of it around the two month mark. I started loving my breasts, despite their now-uncomfortable and impractical size. With Sasha attached, I knew that these were the closest possible bonding moments between mother and child.  The little boobs that I had wanted to change so desperately, were now  responsible for feeding, nurturing, comforting my own little darling. Priceless. Heavenly.

Becoming a mother instilled a sense of worth, love and acceptance I didn’t know was possible. It’s a natural function, one that most women can achieve, but that fact can’t diminish how sacred and divine the experience is. Motherhood placed me back in my body, in my self worth. Motherhood gave me purpose, as well as avenues to find my other desires, and drive to pursue the visions of my future reality.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mothers I know. People can underestimate women: our capabilities, our inner world. This is a gorgeous day to acknowledge the rollercoaster that motherhood is, as well as the awakening experience it can be. Becoming a mother, I see my own mother, and all women, in a new light. I understand more of what it is to be a woman. I feel that my strength is limitless, and so is my ability to love, having now experienced unconditional love. I understand the gravity of my mother’s love for me, the fearlessness behind it. She is my role model, in addition to the countless mother figures I am lucky to have.

There are so many days where I wake up wanting to change the world for Sasha’s benefit, and a few where I wake up believing I have that power. I feel like fake boobs wouldn’t have really done that for me. Happy Mother’s Day again, to all my wonderful mummies. X

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